a little less than two years ago my foster son Z burst into my life and turned it upside down and inside out. he is the one who made me a parent—and through all the waves of uncertainty i always knew he would change my life forever, even if he didn't stay in my life forever.
but on Friday we will go to a courtroom and a judge will name us official and legal family.
last year at this time i was just launching this page with my yama series. then, right before working through the fifth and final yama—non-attachment—my life spun out from under me when i was notified very unexpectedly that Z might be moved out of state. the liminal space of waiting for that potential move stretched for months—and i was challenged to face uncertainty in ways i never had before. the idea of trying to write about non-attachment in the midst of struggling so deeply with that very thing was simply not possible.
it is hard to put into words how isolating the foster experience can be (for everyone inside that system). my whole world has shifted on its axis, but only the small circle of people i see on a regular basis in real life have any idea what that means or what that looks like. it was a portal into becoming i didn’t anticipate, and one i was not fully prepared for, and now, am just barely coming to the other side of.
i want to reset and recenter and reconnect with this community. so! i am planning to re-run my yama series this summer and finish it out this time. i’d love for you to join me <3
also, i am also so so excited to be able to share more of my life and Z's life, to revel in the joys (like—he can ride a bike!!! a real one! with pedals! and no training wheels!! at 3!!!!!) and heartbreaks and all the rest a little more openly with all of you.
more soon.
I am so happy you are able to reclaim some of your new self and your space here. Space that waits for us is such a gift. I am here for all of it. The yama series, the bicycle victories, the parenting heartbreaks. I have June 7 popsicles ready to go for Friday. Hope it is not weird, but y’all are on my calendar because you are in my heart, and my heart is really bad at counting.
We have an adoption story in my family, and I was so focused on metal detectors and courtrooms, the joy and tears in that courtroom that day with the judge and other families expanding their hearts and lives that day caught me by surprise. We all made the world a little better that day, and you are doing the same every day for Z everyday. That’s pretty damn cool.
Oh my, yes! Every. Single. Word. And every single feeling. I have a very similar story!
My heart. My soul. My every being goes out to you and Z.
I remember adoption day for the two kiddos we were fortunate to keep, and still grieve the one who went to live with a relative. Keep your lines of communication open with other adoptive parents. You are in for a wild ride. One recommendation for when the dust settles....but I'll give that idea to you when the glow wears off in a bit.
I am always always here with you. No one should ever have to do this adoption thing alone.
Love, love, love to you and Z and all the extended family members. I am so happy for you.