katie! this means so much. i miss sharing words/time/space/energy with you! i am hopeful this imperfect virtual connection can become more real this year and reading your comment made that feel possible. thank you <3
jocelyn, so happy to have you here. <3 and thank you for reading, and thank you for sharing what stuck with you. i'm excited to let this little page grow a lit in 2024!
Billie this is soooooo beautiful. Tears of recognition sprang to my eyes when I read this:
inevitably my voice sharp
cutting the night
demanding something
beyond either of our control
I’m sorry about your car! I don’t have any tips other than to hope sublimation will do the trick. It feels like a potent image. As Jeannine would say, “the thing itself, alive with metaphor.”
Big love and best wishes to you and Z. It’s so important, all that you’re giving him.
monika!! i'm so glad you are here!!! and thank you. it is such a visceral feeling i was hoping that would come across on the page. also oh life--so true. i'll have to store the frozen splattered egg away for a future "thing itself"
Oh, Billie-- this is so gorgeous. I love this visually-- the photos, your vertical i’s, the crescendo of words, like a bed full of pillows at the end. And i resonate so much with this experience of showing up as many different people over the course of a lifetime, particularly when we’ve done it one way for ourself, and differently because someone’s need, like a child’s, eclipses our own. Just beautiful. Like your meditation you recorded for us, this has settled me like a warm blanket today. Thank you. Never apologize for a hiatus- you are living the words you will write later. 💜
And eggs??!! Aaaack- they do weird things to paint at the best of times-- maybe some boiling water in a sheltered space and a little baking soda? At least it would be gentle. Now write about the eggers’ fictional fate for appropriate revenge, please, or I will be forced to do it.
Hugged every word- so beautiful and hear your voice “begin again”- light in the dark - the voices joining together to applaud your words. So happy to see experience.
I held my breath the entire first read thru. This is so much of a takes your breath away kind of writing. Lines lines lines! So many lines!
after, we shared
cigarettes and spicy noodles
and talked about god
in this life i jump over the lava - (whaaaaat! yessssss!)
and get excited about buses -(omg!)
i hold someone else’s baby-
in the night and tell him- (what did I just read?!? I'm going to need a minute...)
i’ll blow his nightmares away-
punctuated...
glasses of water
and stories and lights on and lights off and
moving to couch and big bed and back and
inevitably my voice sharp
cutting the night
Billie, I'm so thankful you've shared this. xx
katie! this means so much. i miss sharing words/time/space/energy with you! i am hopeful this imperfect virtual connection can become more real this year and reading your comment made that feel possible. thank you <3
Katie!! I am so happy to see you here, I miss you and love you.
This whole thing is so beautifully detailed. I could see and feel and touch and taste. I too loved it all and these two really got to me:
inevitably my voice sharp
cutting the night
demanding something
beyond either of our control
and
in another life i didn’t understand
how many things could all be true
Thank you so much for sharing. This is my first time here and I am so glad to have found you. (Through your mom's substack @jeannineouellette) ❤
jocelyn, so happy to have you here. <3 and thank you for reading, and thank you for sharing what stuck with you. i'm excited to let this little page grow a lit in 2024!
So much said between each line and in the white spaces
I catch my breath and hold you, and me,
the "little bit big" one,
and my own foster children 42 years ago.
This is the most arresting comment - thank you - with you we all good our babies or fostereds so many years ago
OMG Billie, this is so powerful and good and precious.
tami!! <3 thank you!
also, hi :) Z went on for some time about the treats "tami give us"
Glad I've read your words—this life of yours I know nothing about, has graced you with a beautiful voice—happy to be on board.
fotini, thank you for being here. happy to meet you in this nebulous space. and glad to hear my voice resonated with you.
Billie this is soooooo beautiful. Tears of recognition sprang to my eyes when I read this:
inevitably my voice sharp
cutting the night
demanding something
beyond either of our control
I’m sorry about your car! I don’t have any tips other than to hope sublimation will do the trick. It feels like a potent image. As Jeannine would say, “the thing itself, alive with metaphor.”
Big love and best wishes to you and Z. It’s so important, all that you’re giving him.
monika!! i'm so glad you are here!!! and thank you. it is such a visceral feeling i was hoping that would come across on the page. also oh life--so true. i'll have to store the frozen splattered egg away for a future "thing itself"
Nice work Bill. What a life shift in the last 18 months. Beautiful words
thanks for reading, dad. it has, in fact, been quite the life shift >.<
Gorgeous, Billie!
heidi!! thank you. hoping our paths can cross again in-person some time soon <3
Oh, Billie-- this is so gorgeous. I love this visually-- the photos, your vertical i’s, the crescendo of words, like a bed full of pillows at the end. And i resonate so much with this experience of showing up as many different people over the course of a lifetime, particularly when we’ve done it one way for ourself, and differently because someone’s need, like a child’s, eclipses our own. Just beautiful. Like your meditation you recorded for us, this has settled me like a warm blanket today. Thank you. Never apologize for a hiatus- you are living the words you will write later. 💜
And eggs??!! Aaaack- they do weird things to paint at the best of times-- maybe some boiling water in a sheltered space and a little baking soda? At least it would be gentle. Now write about the eggers’ fictional fate for appropriate revenge, please, or I will be forced to do it.
emily!!! <3 "living the words" i'm gonna put that one in my pocket. also, maybe the eggs will find their way into the story challenge...
I am so glad— this is why we really need pockets. And I am down for all the egg retribution. Big hugs to you and Z!
This is beautiful! So glad you are back to the page!!
thank you so much! coming back to the page (or any life giving practice) is always the best feeling. like coming home
Hugged every word- so beautiful and hear your voice “begin again”- light in the dark - the voices joining together to applaud your words. So happy to see experience.
wow wow wow brava! "in this life i hold someone else’s baby in the night and tell him i’ll blow his nightmares away" magic billie, pure magic xo
<3
It read like a movie. I saw everything. Felt the pain of the night terrors. Beautiful.
Truly honest and heart-catching. Thank you Billie. Keep jumping that lava and dancing and you’ll all be alright
This is absolutely beautiful. I’ve been reading and rereading sitting with different lines each time. I can do this all day. Thank you.
love you beautiful B